Why do I feel so helpless?

I had never thought that I will create this blog and never thought that anyone will actually want to link me in their blog. A lot of things had happened and I had never thought of them. Didn't want to say too much but I really felt very helpless.
However, I can't treat it as nothing had happened. Don't want people to worry about me but seems that I had create a lot worries. Escaping is not the way to solve any problem but it seems that I am running away from it and afraid to face them.
Am I able to get over all this? I am not very sure. Don't like this feeling at all. I wanted to be in full control but I am not, in fact, I am being controlled by all the problems. I am not even sure that I am putting this up on the blog. if it was private, I won't hesitate but I am hesitating now. Haiz. Do I sound very negative? Ya, I know I do. Fengming TZ was correct, hx didn't 100% believe in Lao Mu. But how to be 100% believing in Lao Mu? What should hx do??? LMCB, please give hx the wisdom. Hx can't be in this state for long as it won't do any good but only harm...