some post camp thoughts

Hx still can't express myself as well as hx hope to. Felt quite sad when hx heard comments from QY and FTZ but hx understand their concerns. They will only spur hx determinaion to upgrade myself. Hx thought of when hx want to reach TH faster by suggesting to lishan to take cab (she wanted to take bus and hx normally will want to take bus too) but as we are late for sharing, ftz told hx to take cab which is faster to attend C camp sharing but ended up reaching TH much much later than if hx and lishan had taken bus. Taxi seems to disappear when we needed them. hx was joking to lishan after waiting for taxi for 10mins that we might reach TH faster if we take bus. the joke ended up a truth that hx don know how to accept. haha. Lesson learnt. it is better to do things step by step and not hoping that there is short cuts.

When we finally board a taxi, hx was thinking there might be a reason why hx is in this taxi, 1st thought came into mind: Du ren. However, hx is not good at words and never try to start a conversation with a stranger before but hx know that hx had to expand hx comfort zone. After some hesitating, hx master courage and start a conversation with the hope that lishan will support hx at the back. however, hx realise that she had went to Zzz land. Found out that the uncle had some misunderstanding which he heard from his friends which are not true so hx try to clear up and explain to him at the best of hx knowledge. Even though in the end hx didnt manage to du him but hopefully hx had clear his negative image of tian dao. LMCB. Hope hx had say all the right things. Lishan woke up when we reach TH and before hx could wake her up and she blame hx for not waking her up. sad.. gotta sleep soon. will share more in next entry.

Camps are over!

It had been a long, long time the last time hx wrote something here. hx was busy with planning, admin, log, editing and C camp stuffs. An all rounder as what QY, BH and the rest had said, hx also hope so but hx is still a long way to being a all rounder. Our Dear ZZs and CCs are good examples of all rounder. Good role models for hx to learn from.

Hx was admin for this C camp. Never thought that hx would be an admin even in my dreams. Admin are usually kun dao and logistic are qian dao. Hx still don't understand why hx agreed to be be an admin, not hx character. Although hx is admin, hx is still in charge of admin log. Haha! log again! hx understand why hx is admin now as admin log is more than other station log. haha! Interesting experience as an admin, 1st time chopping such big watermelon and hx had never open these much cans in my whole lifetime before this C camp. Amazing. However, there are several sad things that hx learnt through the hard way. Poured away a lot of milo, coffee and cocktail. Wastage of resource but learnt that it is very important to plan, communicate and estimate the amount that need to prepare. Both lodge prepare milo for all and 2 big kettles of coffee ended up in the sink. Cocktails can't be helped as it is very hard to estimate and we making it too watery doesn't help too.

All full comm had done their best to make this C camp a special and meaningful one. All of us are tired after break camp. Saw wliang and QY nodding off in the Van. WLie cant nod off as he is driving. Don't understand why hx don't nod off too. still feeling excited after camp? haha! however, it didn't last long as hx start nodding off during Qing kou ban. oops! slept very well for abt 8hrs b4 waking up for DJJTR. Almost can't wake up. simply too tired...

Camps are over and hx had learnt alot from them. However, it is just a starting of hx life journey ahead. hx need to apply what hx had learnt to my daily life. Need to improve hx 5Q, 信，愿，行，证. HX must have faith and determination to carry on all the way. jia you!

Courage 2

Finally! Mastered the courage to ask questions that hx don't dare to ask today! In fact, hx is relieved and felt very relaxed after talking about my problems and worries. However, hx still have to wait 8 more months before hx can really break free. hopeful. looking forward to it... Jia you wenxiang! U can do it...

COURAGE!!!

I am seriously lacking in courage. Even if, I had decided to ask but still didn't ask in the end. I don't know what I am afraid of. The unknown outcome is a huge source of fear ba. WX... No point thinking too much, just try and don't regret only after it is over... just do it!

this really speak to me!

Job interview

Went for a job interview today and everything is smooth until the interviewer ask if i can OT on sat and sunday. I explained to her my situation and it is quite difficult for me to OT for some sat and every sunday. however, she is looking for someone who can OT anytime when needed. This, I am afraid I cant promise her.

Weekend is a chance for me to recharge and i dont want to lose the only chance to recharge, if not, i am afraid I will disappear myself which I am not willing to...

Roller coastal ride

Recently, my heart had been through alot of roller coastal ride, going up and down, left and right. Wow. How much more can I take it? Very unstable. not a good sign. Sometime really feel like pressing the reset button and reset my whole life again but it is impossible. Move on... Wenxiang. What past is past. No point thinking about it. Future is in front and not at the back. ok? feeling better now? haha... Really hope so. Going down is not bad after all as I will go up again. looking forwards... no worry!!! HEHE... Pardon me if I sound crazy... oops...